These are the things that comfort me, make me laugh, move me, & open my soul. I am a mom of 3, a wife, a daughter, a friend....I write, knit, cook, love, work, & just try to make it through. My writing blog is wordsontheceiling.tumblr.com if you'd like to check it out. Thanks for hanging out in my head space!
I didn’t eat them for years, just mashed their little heads and faces through the packaging with glee. It’s a spring sport for me. Must…smash…Peeps…
who have a family unit that you live amongst have my admiration. I honestly don’t know how the noise, the busy ness doesn’t make you crazy. So cheers to you.
We ARE crazy. At least I’m pretty sure I am. This entire blog is about poop and hormones and other ridiculous nonsense. I mean, who writes about this stuff? There is definitely a significant lack of sanity involved.
Just a reminder: in most relationships, we are acting and giving in a way we would most like to be treated. Or at least we should be. Generally, that’s a good plan, as it tends to follow the Golden Rule. But sometimes it doesn’t meet our partner’s needs.
I don’t put too much stock in self-help books, but that one about love languages is pretty on target. When you discover that each of you is essentially speaking a different language, it can be shocking but helpful. Because if you don’t, your relationship will be the equivalent of you both screaming at each other in two different languages, and no one will understand a damn thing, nothing gets done, and everybody stays frustrated and feels unloved and lonely. Once you understand how your partner expresses love and how they best receive love expressed TO them, then you can start making progress.
Not meaning to get preachy. Just take it as an observation from the inside. Trying to remember that my language is not the only one, and my way is not always right. Call it the epiphany of the day, if you will.
Because my truth, on this Tuesday, is that real love is not always easy and people don’t come with instruction manuals. Sometimes it takes way too long for certain things to get through my thick skull and over-inflated pride.
…..in a stroke of poetic justice, the good Lord has decided to save my sorry ass from myself by taking away my voice.
I can seriously imagine my guardian angel’s face (if I had one), shaking its head and heaving a big sigh. “We have to stop her from screwing this all up. She’s FINALLY in a good place. Oh! Laryngitis! That’s perfect.”
Where are the Bangles when I need some theme music?
Anyway, there’s some follow up to last night’s ‘woe is me’ post. First of all, I appreciate the support. Every heart, every comment… (Especially the comments!) … it all made me feel less loony and beaten. So thank you. Truly.
Secondly, I had a conversation with the aforementioned best friend regarding her unexpected departure in reaction to my bitchface. She said she worries about me. I get that, and appreciate it. I’m worried, too.
She also recommended seeing an herbalist, as I have issues with pharmaceutical solutions to mood and hormone imbalances. That was an interesting and novel idea to me. I’ve worked on diet and exercise, and that’s helped the pain and physical dysfunction of my cycles, but the crazy remains.So my question is this: do any of you ladies out there employ holistic/homeopathic remedies for battling mood swings and hormone hell? Because although I believe that one of the flip-sides of a creative brain is a tendency to drift towards the melodramatic, I can’t keep losing my mind every 28 days. It’s eventually going to wreck my life and drive away all of my people.
*I’m angry. No real reason. Just am. And there’s too much anxiety happening. Way too much. Probably because I’m hormonal. I know, it seems like it’s going on forever. It’s the tail-end, so we should return to my regular level of neurotic in a day or so, don’t worry.
*I’m not mommy-ing very well today. Still short on sleep and VERY low on patience. Add in one sick kid and both little ones are teething that last damn set of molars….
*Because of the two points above, I’ve managed to clash with nearly everyone I’ve come in contact with today. I’m probably lucky the oldest and my husband didn’t just get in the car and start driving. And I’m pretty sure my best friend avoided eating dinner at our house because I was being a super bitch.
*I hate when I feel like this. I want to scream and throw things and I wonder wtf is wrong with everyone, but then it occurs to me waaaaay too late, that it’s NOT everyone, it’s me. Usually after I’ve left a trail of bodies behind. (Metaphorically, of course)
*Today made me realize an awful truth: my dreams of being a stay at home mom are bullshit. I couldn’t do it. Yeah, when the kids are healthy and the weather is nice and we can get out and do things and I’m sane and rational enough to handle the chaos, I’m on cloud nine. But days like today are the perfect storm and I failed. Miserably. Maybe that’s normal. It still makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like I’d screw them up and doom them to years of therapy.
*The above paragraph and associated epiphany makes me very, very sad. As in, sobbing a big ol’ ugly cry in the floor. Even though being a SAHM isn’t a possibility right now, to think it can’t happen because of me (and not just finances) is heartbreaking.
*For all of you thinking, “Get a grip, woman!” I promise I will. This is just a rare and mostly uncut peep into my crazy. I’ll eventually sleep, drink some tea and take my vitamins, go back to the gym, and the world will right itself again in my eyes. In the meantime, I’ll be in the corner, hissing if anyone comes near me.
….at your reflection in the top of your 90’s chrome bathroom faucet as you lean over to spit out your toothpaste. You’ll scare the shit out of yourself. It’s just not pretty.