I am a mom, a wife, & an often disgruntled lab tech. I write, knit, crochet, cook, & just try to make it. My writing blog is wordsontheceiling.tumblr.com if you'd like to check it out. Thanks for hanging out in my head space! ~D

 

Five.

1. During breakfast I had a sudden and freaky episode of swelly-tingly-burning hands, could barely bend my fingers, etc. Took some ibuprofen, and it’s better now, but the backs of my hands feel like they’ve got a thin layer of icy hot on them. I probably shouldn’t be typing on this damn phone, but being still between patients wasn’t helping, so I’m going to see if using them more loosens them up. And I already did all the RA screening bloodwork on myself and it’s negative. The doctor types I’ve spoken to say it sounds more nerve related, like peripheral neuropathy or perhaps circulatory, like Reynaud’s. They say to take careful notes and see if it happens again. Whee. I hate to wait.

2. “Outshined” by Soundgarden has some of the best and most hilarious lyrics ever. They will never get old to me.

3. Speaking of poop (you have to know the song from the previous number to get the transition): My little kids have had potty poop success two nights in a row. I am BEYOND thrilled. Seriously.

4. That last post from last night…. The one that started with a reblog about breakfast…. Yeah, that was hard for me to read, and to comment on, but it was one of those things that I couldn’t ignore. I am left with a tangle of feelings about it this morning, but I haven’t sorted them enough to say more. Perhaps I won’t.

5. Two weeks from this Saturday is departure time for vacation. I’m going to be counting down the minutes by the time I get to that point.

That’s all for now…. I’ll try to be more amusing later. Peace out, y’all.

monicalewinsky1996:

Trigger warning: Breakfast by Anonymous

This made me weep. For reasons.

It is how so very many of us cope. “It wasn’t ‘x’ because ‘y’ didn’t happen”. Or “I’m not a victim because I didn’t do/say ‘x’ and so I have no right to complain”. Or “I did ‘x’ and that makes me to blame, so it wasn’t like that”. Or maybe even, “We were a couple, and he loved me… he wouldn’t do something to hurt me”. And on. And on.

Sometimes compartmentalization means survival, though. And years later, when we manage to eat those eggs or hear that song or smell that cologne again, we can forgive ourselves for the lie, the falsehood we whispered to ourselves through tears, just to keep moving.

Thursday thoughts of the paranoid variety

On the heels of posting yet another portion of my face, I’ve gotten paranoid.

Do you have someone run across your mind, someone you knew a long time ago, and you just happen to think “I bet that person is on tumblr somewhere”. Especially when you know that person is a little…unusual, let’s say….and you already know they shy away from Facebook….and they had severe fandom issues even back when you knew them… so you know they’d be right at home here….

Yeah. I know that person is probably here somewhere. Even with the untold numbers of weirdos on here that I don’t know, the thought that one that I DO know is bouncing around the tumblr ether is extremely disturbing.

I hope to hell we don’t accidentally run into each other.

Channeling my inner Minnie Mouse today.  Growing out this hair is challenging. I’m not in a happy Disney mood, though. This mouse will eat your face off. 

I woke up out of strange dreams feeling like I had been crying in my sleep. On top of that I have a severe craving for a chocolate milkshake. WTF? I don’t think I can blame this on hormones, either. 

Going to go fill my giant Tervis tumbler with ice water and try to keep busy. It’s Crackhead Day, after all (according to  bourbonismyspiritguide ), and I have a feeling getting through without committing homicide will require some teeth gritting. 

Kick Thursday in the ass, y’all.

Channeling my inner Minnie Mouse today. Growing out this hair is challenging. I’m not in a happy Disney mood, though. This mouse will eat your face off.

I woke up out of strange dreams feeling like I had been crying in my sleep. On top of that I have a severe craving for a chocolate milkshake. WTF? I don’t think I can blame this on hormones, either.

Going to go fill my giant Tervis tumbler with ice water and try to keep busy. It’s Crackhead Day, after all (according to bourbonismyspiritguide ), and I have a feeling getting through without committing homicide will require some teeth gritting.

Kick Thursday in the ass, y’all.

Once upon a time…

…. I was a struggling single mom and I went on a job interview. It was for what would have been a move to a much better company than the one I was currently working for. The owner interviewed me himself, and he was known for asking off the wall questions. He asked me “Outside of work, what are you passionate about?”

I froze. I was 26 years old, recently divorced, and scraping to make ends meet. The only things I could think about were bills, keeping food on our table, could I get to the daycare in time to pick up my kid, and oh dear God, can I please avoid my ex’s harassing phone calls. I was in survival mode, and he was asking about passions. I just wanted to live.

I stammered some lame-assed answer about animals, due to the pictures of his dogs all around the office. I did actually have a dog at the time, but she wasn’t my passion. He knew that.

I always wondered if that was the reason I didn’t get that job. If he thought I was just another empty-headed girl, focused on her superficial shit.

A decade later I could list several things I’m passionate about, from hobbies to social causes, and discuss them all with educated fervor. Perhaps that is age. Perhaps it is a reflection of the stability in my life. I don’t know.

But when I get myself all wound up the way I did this morning over that NFLPA bullshit, I often think of that interview, and I’m thankful that my brain has the time and space to be outraged about wrongs in our society, even though some of those passions were born out of painful experience.

As busy and overwhelmed as I am, I know I am fortunate with the life I am currently leading. The view in the rear view mirror reminds me of that.

NFLPA to appeal Ray Rice’s suspension.

darthstripmaul:

Yeah.

Totally done with Football.

Agreed.

I just finished listening to an NPR interview with a rep from the NFLPA and now I want to vomit. Your defense is that you worry what sort of precedent this suspension will set because other players have been convicted of domestic abuse and are still playing? Why not just fire them all?

I don’t give a flying f&@k how many good husbands and fathers play professional football. You are sheltering an abuser and therefore you condone the action.

F&@k you.

Do as I say, not as I do

In a recent teenage drama laden conversation, I gave my daughter some advice, a variant of the old quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln. I told her, “Sometimes you just have to get up in the morning and decide to be happy. Screw everybody else. Stop living your life in reaction to other people’s every word, look, and thought.”

Just think of how smooth your day would go if you didn’t take your spouse’s bad mood personally, or your kids’ cranky reluctance to eat dinner, or your boss’s bad attitude, or your coworker’s snappish tone. You could just rock on, handling your shit, whistling a happy tune….

Sounds great, right? Too bad I’m not so good at following my own advice.

Maybe this isn’t a problem for some of you, but I’ve found that most human beings are quite reactive, and bad moods spread like wildfire. I am personally terrible at insulating myself from others’ emotions.

I want that stability. I think that if I could get it, I’d be actually MORE empathetic and loving. I think I’d be a better wife and mother and friend and employee and whatever else. I’m not talking about being unsympathetic or cold, just more steady.

So that’s my conundrum of the day. How to not get pulled into every tide pool of drama and emotion that I walk close to without becoming cold and detached.

Going to have to think on this for a little while.

Crazy lady

I think I may become the tumblr version of that old guy that sits at the diner and tells the same story every day.

I keep writing big, sweeping, deep thought posts and then I get scared that I’ve already written about that before. I do most of my posting from my phone, so I just end up putting them in my drafts folder until I can get home and have time to use the mass post editor to try and make sure I’m not duplicating. I don’t know if I’m recycling the same ideas or I just have a bad case if déjà vu.

Then again, maybe I should just post them anyway….. Most of the people following me now weren’t following me two years ago.

Thoughts?

A quick and strange project:

A friend at work is about to do a long distance bike ride and needed a way to clip her inhaler to her handlebars. I crocheted her this holder, based on a couple of patterns I read through and then I just figured it out and worked it to fit the inhaler as I went along. 

The bottom right is the holder for her epi pen that I started after I gave her the inhaler holder. Asthma and a severe wasp allergy, and she’s about to ride a bicycle approximately 400 miles over the course of a week. 

Yeah, that kind of made me feel lazy, too. Suddenly my excuses seem like crap.

A quick and strange project:

A friend at work is about to do a long distance bike ride and needed a way to clip her inhaler to her handlebars. I crocheted her this holder, based on a couple of patterns I read through and then I just figured it out and worked it to fit the inhaler as I went along.

The bottom right is the holder for her epi pen that I started after I gave her the inhaler holder. Asthma and a severe wasp allergy, and she’s about to ride a bicycle approximately 400 miles over the course of a week.

Yeah, that kind of made me feel lazy, too. Suddenly my excuses seem like crap.

We finally had a cool weekend here! A-freaking-mazing. Of course, it will probably be 80 by tomorrow, but for now, I’m relishing it. I really hate the bitter cold, and if we have the hard winter they’re predicting, I’ll be complaining about that, too. But maybe, just maybe we will be granted the grace of a nice fall. Summer has its benefits, especially for people like me that are constantly cold, but I do love fall above all other seasons.

We finally had a cool weekend here! A-freaking-mazing. Of course, it will probably be 80 by tomorrow, but for now, I’m relishing it. I really hate the bitter cold, and if we have the hard winter they’re predicting, I’ll be complaining about that, too. But maybe, just maybe we will be granted the grace of a nice fall. Summer has its benefits, especially for people like me that are constantly cold, but I do love fall above all other seasons.

(Source: enchanting-autumn)